Get out of my house. Get out now.
You showed up uninvited Thursday night, ruined our plans for Friday and have otherwise wrecked havoc in our home ever since. I'm tired of dry skin from repeated hand washing and sick of endless loads of laundry. Also, could you please stop making your presence known in the middle of the night? Sleep deprivation is not at all helpful in this kind of situation.
Food would be excellent solace during this time of stress, but oh yeah, you've ruined my appetite. I do, however, grudginly thank you for the couple of pounds you've trimmed from my waistline. It's the least you could do.
Now get out.
P.S. I know I've been lobbying for a new couch, but I really don't need your help making my case. Nice try.