Very long post. Sorry.
Yesterday morning was a rough one. A real "up in my tree" day. I was feeling very tired and overwhelmed.
I can't point to anything major as the culprit. Just lots of little things that ultimately led to me feeling as though I've just spent the entire week reacting rather than being proactive. I don't do well with that feeling and yesterday morning I hit my breaking point.
I've hit that breaking point many times before and have had the same general response each time: total system shutdown. I completely withdraw from life and wallow in a feeling of inadequacy. I would tell myself that this is normal behavior and an earned indulgence for all the hard work I'd been doing. It wasn't pretty.
About six months ago God said enough. Because clearly nothing about my behavior was based in truth and I certainly wasn't acting like His child, I was just being childish. Isn't it fun to have to look in the mirror and see that what you thought were beauty marks are actually big nasty zits?
It was a painful reality check to be sure, but I'm so thankful for what God has done as He does the work of freeing me from this bondage of self pity. See, He's not upset with me for feeling overwhelmed. He KNOWS that's coming. That's why He tells us this:
"Come to me all you who labor and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Matt 11: 28-30
His burden is light. That's because it's HIS burden and not the world's 15 million inconsequential-but-feels-like-life-depends-on-it burdens. He's the cure when I'm feeling overwhelmed. The answer is running to the shepherd who knows how to give me true rest.
So what does this look like in practice? Well, I can't tell you what it looks like start to finish because in truth I have yet to completely skip the wallowing part. I can happily report to you that yesterday's pity party ended more quickly than my earlier ones. I prayed. (Prayer can break up a pity party faster than the cops can break up a kegger.) And here's what God said to me: "Tree Girl, I never said you have to do everything".
Hey moms, did you know that there is NOT an 11th commandment that says, "Thou shalt cross off everything on your to do list." There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) ... even if you haven't washed your hair in 3 days and there's stuff growing in the shower.
He didn't tell me to do everything, but because He knows me and knows that when I get like this that stopping = wallowing, He told me to do one thing. Just one thing. This isn't that Mary/Martha one thing. Just a very literal one thing off my to do list. So we did a very small portion of schoolwork and that was it. And then I got to spend the rest of the day hanging out with my family, including both sets of grandparents.
And it was great. And He gave me the rest He promised me. But because He's the greatest giver ever, He gave me something else. Encouragement. I was encouraged because I was able to experience some fruit from the work He's been doing in my life. He really is faithful in His work, and I'm so, so thankful.
Okay, all done with the longest post ever. Thanks for reading my rambling. Now you can go about your business and ignore the crazy lady:)