Do they hand out chips for this sort of thing?

I doubt there's a single soul left reading this blog. I'm a bad, bad blogger.

Terrible.

But I've got some thoughts today because Obi Wanda turns 6 today. That's 6 whole years of shaking my head in wonder at the number of contradictions one body can contain.

To say I enjoy her thoroughly would be an understatement. This girl who hasn't walked in a straight line EVER, who can hold her own in a roomful of boys, who is drawn to the soft and the pretty with the strength of the Death Star's tractor beam (something she knows a lot about) and can give a voice and personality to a pencil is one of God's greatest gifts to me.

His gift of grace.

I vividly remember Obi Wanda's delivery. I didn't get to hold her right away because she was born via C-section, but the nurse laid her on my chest so I could see her face to face and tell her I love her. She was brought to me in the recovery room where I held her and kissed her and irked the nurse because I didn't want to give her back.

I knew her and I loved her and that memory is precious to me. I was completely unaware in that moment that I was about to head on a downward spiral that would kick my fanny like it had never been kicked before.

The first panic attack happened 48 hours after Obi Wanda was born. Just hormones I told myself. The next one came 2 days later. We went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday and on the way home I knew with absolute certainty that all of the van doors were going to fly off and the kids' seats were going to fly out into traffic. I gripped the door handle in fear as my last remaining shred of sense told me that was impossible.

That was the beginning. There were more "episodes" (including one glorious moment that I still laugh about that includes chucking a gallon of milk at a trash can) followed by a diagnosis followed by medication followed by a period of evening out followed by a stupor followed by no medication followed by more depression followed by healing.

About 3 1/2 years in all.

Good times.

Have I mentioned that PB is a rock star husband? And that I have a VERY supportive family?

Doing the math that means I'm celebrating 2 1/2 years of peace and I think that's worth a cupcake at least. I use the term peace instead of sanity because A) PB knows way too much and B) sanity is overrated, but peace is lasting.

The story of those 3 1/2 years is a long one and frankly, not very interesting to me now. What is interesting is how God used that season to reveal to me that He wasn't at all interested in letting me wallow in my junk pile of personal garbage. That He wasn't kidding when He said that His grace is sufficient for me and His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

I never use her Obi Wanda's name on this blog, but I will tell you my girl's middle name is Grace. We chose it at the time because we thought it would be a lasting reminder to her of our Lord. I also thought it would give my half-yankee daughter a little more southern flavor. What I didn't know at the time was how God would use the days and years following her birth to turn my world upside down so He could spell out the definition of His grace for me.

Happy Birthday Obi Wanda Grace! I love you!

An Earth Day recommendation for Al Gore

Dear Mr. Gore,

I think a message of an ecological apocalypse will only get you so far. Moms just don't have time for that kind of thing. If you want to reach the world's most powerful audience you need to make your message relevant. Case in point:

Here's a recap of our school day...

9:00 AM - Big brouhaha over seating arrangement that has been in place since we moved into the new schoolroom THREE MONTHS AGO

9:05 AM - All parties involved, still panting from the kerfuffle, sit down in their traditional seating arrangement

9:06 AM - Students and teacher bow heads in prayer asking the Lord to help us make a fresh start

9:07 AM - 9:30 AM - Continued study of gospel of Matthew in relative peace and calm (BTW, Mr. Gore, the Bible describes the real apocalypse and there's nary a mention of carbon footprints to be found. *see Revelation.)

9:31 AM - Total meltdown because misplaced markers make it impossible to complete AWANA homework right now. (I'm not naming names, but the guilty party was tall enough to ride Rockin' Roller Coaster, but not tall enough to drive.)

9:32 AM - Sibling of unnamed child went to help track down markers only to have bedroom door slammed in face.

9:33 AM - Church lets out.

10:00 AM - Child makes one last go at a tantrum over missing socks.

10:02 AM - Party of 3 depart house for a walk.

10:05 AM - Mom lags behind children to have quiet moment of prayer, asking the Lord for wisdom, patience and a quick end to the day.

10:06 AM - Mom looks up from prayer to see children cheerfully throwing sticks into a pond, beneath a beautiful blue sky.

And the rest was a pleasant day.

So, Mr. Gore, here's my tagline for you, free of charge (no carbon credits, please):

Nature. It's God's Midol for families. Take care of it.

Spicing Things Up

I thought I'd skip the bullets and get crazy and try subheadings today.

I Blame This One On Bob Costas
I can't get into American Idol this season and I think I finally figured out why. After two weeks of non-stop Olympic viewing and bouncing from bobsledding to figure skating to nordic combined (which would be much more interesting if they had to shoot while ski jumping), my brain needs a clear beginning, middle and end for my television viewing hour.

Also, I get emotionally involved with the Olympics and root for some of the athletes like they're family members. So far American Idol is a big bundle of who cares so I'm stepping out for now. Maybe I'll pop back in when there's a top ten, then again, maybe not. For what it's worth, my money's on the Jodi Foster girl.

My favorite Olympic moments: Jeanne Rochet's short program, Shaun White's freakish stunts and the American men's bobsled team winning gold. I rooted for Canada during hockey and Kim Yu-Na in figure skating because, really, who wants to disappoint their entire home country?


Because You Can't Flip A Llama Over
I took Doc and Obi Wanda on a field trip to a local Petting Farm where Obi Wanda's first question upon seeing a cow was, "What is that?" I really could've sworn we'd already covered that. Lately Obi Wanda's been fixated on whether an animal is a boy or a girl and that question isn't always so easy to anwer without closer inspection. Kind of like looking at people at the mall.

It's also a leading question because all the answers lead to more questions and I wasn't in the mood to go there today. I was already sure the other moms thought I was a terrible teacher since my kid didn't know what a cow was (I'm still stymied by that one), I certainly didn't want an audience while I clumsily explained what's so important about attracting a mate and where the big ostrich eggs came from. Oh look, pony rides!


While We're on the Subject of School
I'm pretty well settled on our direction for next year. We're going to skip the Wednesday program Doc's been going to take a more relaxed approach to our week. I've been revisiting my Charlotte Mason books and feel like I want to make next year more relaxed and purposeful. Rather than trying to do a bunch of stuff rather poorly, I want to do a few things very well with the end result being peace.

Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, but it seems like there's a lot of pressure to teach, do, experience everything. It's as if producing a trilingual second grader who can give a 20 minute oration on how the Revolutionary War affected the breeding habits of the spotted owl is the only way to justify our decision to homeschool. Knowing I was starting to frantically succumb to that pressure, God sent me the same message from a bunch of different sources, including His Word.

The message? Chill.

So I will chill.


I had a bunch of other stuff to write about, but my mind's all a blank now. There was something about mom shorts and PB's disgust over the fact my 8th grade history teacher used "Gone With the Wind" as part of our Civil War curriculum. PB's a yankee (obviously). Anyway, it's all gone now.

Must still be that Olympic brain.

More bullet points

A few musings from the first week of the year...

• It's been cold here in the sunshine state and I mean COLD. I used to ask God why, why, why did He decide I have to live in Florida when there are much prettier places to live. I now have my answer: productivity. All I want to do in this cold (the 30's!) is sit around in stretchy pants drinking hot chocolate while I read a book.

• I bought a pair of those Skechers Shape Ups that are supposed to lift and firm and do all sorts of miraculous things to your backside just by wearing them to the grocery store to buy Oreos. I'm not sure how much rearranging they've done to my derriere, but they sure are comfy and a whole lot of ugly.

• Last night at choir we broke up into small groups for a time of prayer and I spent time praying for a woman who's husband has been out of work for a while. I prayed for continued provision, I prayed for wisdom, I prayed for encouragement and I prayed using the WRONG NAME. Many times. This dear woman was gracious, but I have felt like a heel all day long. Is there a spiritual gift in remembering names? If so, could I please have it?

• We're getting ready to tackle a major home improvement project that has been gnawing at us for years. We're ripping up the carpet in our family room and office area and putting in laminate. When we're finished we'll be a carpet-free household and I could not be more excited. We're also painting our groovy wood paneling so our currently tomb-like family room will end up being a bright, happy space. I'm seriously considering having a bonfire with the carpet. I had a bit of a panic attack today when PB and I were discussing where to relocate our furniture during the project: where will we plug in the TiVo??? We're talking about a week of TV including the return of Chuck. PB is working on a remedy.

• Rose Bowl tonight and I don't care a lick who wins, but if backed into a corner I'd say Texas because Colt McCoy seems like a nice boy. I made french onion dip for the occasion and I have to say I have a love/hate relationship with whoever decided to mix Lipton onion soup mix with sour cream. I would LOVE to eat an entire 16 oz carton in one sitting, but I HATE what it does to the lower portions of my body (see Skechers Shape Ups above).

• Last weekend the kids were at my parent's house watching Bambi and Obi Wanda started to get upset about Bambi's mom getting shot. Doc comforted her by assuring her that everything was okay because the movie was about Bambi and not his mom. I'm still struggling with that one.

That's all for now. I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year (oh yeah, I'd recap ours but too much time has passed - it was nice).

Random Random Updates

Just woke up to an all out brawl over who gets to put an angel on the Advent calendar... nothing like a smackdown beside the manger to get you in the mood for Christmas.

I think I can officially say that my status as a flaky blogger is here to stay. I just can't seem to get it together so "say hello to your fickle friend" (in your best Al Pacino voice). We're in the middle of our Christmas concert week so it's super busy at the treehouse this week. A brief and random update:

• The choir musical is Saturday and Sunday with 3 shows in all, so that's 3 opportunities to see me in all my jazz-hand finery. I don't want to give too much away, but there might be a few box steps thrown in too. Who said Baptists don't dance?

• Actually, I'm so thankful for how the Lord has blessed me through the choir that I'm gonna get up there and boogie right out my comfort zone with a big old smile on my face.

• PB is on lighting duty this week which means 8-10 hour preparation every night this week. That's after putting in a full day of work so I'm expecting to have a comatose husband on Monday. The guy who's actually doing the lighting design has worked with David Crowder, Chris Tomlin and Steven Curtis Chapman, but my favorite item on his resume is that he worked on Solid Gold. Man, that makes me want to pull out my sister's gold lame' prom dress and crimp my hair. Doc can't wait to watch his dad's "cool tricks".

• Without the ' lame' is just lame.

• Actually it's lame even with the '.

• We're on a 3 day a week school schedule for the next couple of weeks. Last year I tried taking the month of December off and that was a huge mistake so this year we're just attempting a lighter load so we can still make time for the fun seasonal stuff. Clearly we need to do more work on getting a proper attitude about the Advent.

• There's been a lot of talk about heaven around here following the death of one of the kindest men you'll ever meet. Obi Wanda is convinced we'll be wearing sandals in heaven. The kids were very excited about our new "never get sick or hurt" bodies when Ella explained that the reason we get new bodies is that right now we're in our "disobeyin' bodies". True words, my friends.

• This year I'm working on my "Christmas Shoes" trigger finger. I'm working on changing stations in less than one second.

• All 3 of my favorite teams on the Amazing Race have gone home (I'd tell you who, but PB hasn't seen last week's episode) so Sunday will be about watching everybody come unhinged. I much prefer it when I have a team to root for all the way to the end.

So that's the doings around here. I hope you guys have a great day!

Why didn't I see this coming?

Of course, this was going to come back to bite me.

I turned 35 a few weeks ago which coupled with my American citizenship qualifies me for the worst job in the world.

To celebrate, PB and I took the kids to Disney Hollywood Studios for the day because all I wanted for my birthday was to take Doc for his first ride on the Rockin' Roller Coaster. All due respect to Space Mountain, but Rockin' Roller Coaster is Disney's only legitimate roller coaster. It goes 0 to 60 mph in 2.8 seconds and takes you upside down three times. And, oh yeah, Aerosmith is blasting in your ears during the entire time.

So for my birthday I introduced my son to the roll-over, the corkscrew and Steven Tyler.

Doc and I had a great time getting pumped up for the ride as we waited in line which wasn't hard to do because Aerosmith music was piped in throughout the queue. Since we only play the Star Wars soundtrack or worship music in the van, I was a little concerned about the lyrics Doc might pick up, but honestly, you really need a frame of reference to get the lyrics to "Walk This Way". You'll see in a minute why I'm desperately hoping that's true.

The ride went great. Doc's eyes were as big as baseballs when we shot out of the tunnel and he laughed the entire time. It was truly one of my favorite mom/son moments in our 7 years together.

Here's the two of us rocking out in front of the ride. We went on Halloween which will hopefully explain why Doc is dressed like a pirate. And why my skin looks like Casper the Friendly Ghost.

I'm such a cool mom.

And now let's watch as I go from cool mom to bad influence in 2 seconds flat.

Doc goes to a school for homeschoolers one day a week. The school is very much a Christian School. Very. Conservative. Let me repeat that: Conservative. Christian. School. Got it? In preparation for a special event Doc had to fill out an "All About Me" poster.

Favorite food? Pizza.

Favorite book? Anything about inventions.

Favorite toy? Legos.

Favorite movie? Star Wars (duh)

Favorite TV show? Sid the Science Kid

Favorite song? Walk This Way

I'm sorry, what???

Yes, tomorrow when every other kid shares about his favorite Veggie Tales song my son will be giving a shout-out to Aerosmith.

At least he spelled it correctly.

Breaking bad news badly

A couple of weeks ago we were in the car and Doc announced that he had figured out that rainbows don't really exist (which is odd since he's seen them before). When I replied, "Honey, rainbows aren't like unicorns, they're real" Obi Wanda popped up and said frantically, "Unicorns aren't real????"

At least I didn't say Santa Claus.

Warning: I don't know how to refund time

This might be the most uninteresting post ever. In fact, you'll probably want your 3 minutes back when you're done reading it. I know I've been the laziest blogger ever so here's a recap of what's been going on here:

• We started school yesterday with Doc doing 1st grade and Obi Wanda doing preschool work. We took four weeks off this summer which is one week longer than I had planned, but it was the right amount of time because I feel refreshed and the kids were ready to get to work. I'm oddly excited about studying geography with the kids this year - I'm hoping it will improve my sense of direction.

• I decided to quit typing my daughter's name as Obi Wan-da and start referring to her as Obi Wanda. That hyphen has been bugging me for about a year, but once I commit to something I have a hard time letting go - even when it's a dumb decision. God's been showing me that He wants me to cut bait on some of the dumb decisions in my life so the hyphen is the symbolic shot across the bow. Pretty dramatic, right?

• I went to the eye doctor last month and picked out new frames for the first time in 9 years. The ones I selected were kind of funky/trendy and I picked them out by myself so I spent the two weeks I waited for them worrying that I would look like Elton John in the "I'm Still Standing" video. Turns out they are pretty cool so I might end up wearing them more than I wear my contacts.

• I just went to YouTube to upload the "I'm Still Standing" video and, uh, I must not have been very observant in the 80's. I'm not posting the video.

• PB and I took the kids to see "Up" this summer and they totally freaked out over the dogs chasing Mr. Fredricksen and Russell so we left before the movie was over. We had to go back on a date night and finish it - I think I'll probably cry the next time I see a bunch of balloons.

• We're so loving SYTYCD this season and I just don't know who my favorite is. Ade had an amazing solo last week so he may ultimately be the one I'm rooting for.

• Hey, do you want to see a picture of my super cool, now I have to hang out at Starbucks glasses? Here's a picture on my sister's photo blog... scroll down because for some reason EC was more interested in the kids enjoying VBS than my glasses.

• Did you know that when you slip and fall on a lego you can get a lego imprint in your chin? Did you know that imprint can last for a couple of days? It can.

• I missed my one year blogging anniversary on May 24. It would have been a great excuse to make cupcakes.

And that's what's been happening in the treehouse.

That lingering scent is Eau de Lysol

I'm finally putting away the jell-o and saltines since the stomach virus is finally out of our house.

I can't say that I'm thankful we had a week of stomach cooties, but I have to say the forced mental break was a very good thing. Last week my brain was on overdrive getting ready for the new school year, but it's kind of hard to have a coherent thought when you're washing puke out of your daughter's hair in the middle of the night. I needed to turn my brain off and since I wouldn't do it myself it was turned off for me.

This year we're using Tapestry of Grace to study all things history and literature. TOG takes the timeline approach to history and this year we'll be studying the time period from the fall of Rome until 1600. This means knights, castles, Robin Hood, explorers... the sorts of things that are right up my 6-year-old son's alley.

The thing about TOG is that there is a ton of detail in the curriculum from history core to history in-depth to literature to geography to church history to fine arts. It's A LOT, but to be fair they warn you ahead of time that the curriculum appears overwhelming at first. They say over and over again that the key to success is to pick and choose and not do everything. The same message is repeated all over the TOG message boards. And I nodded my head every time I read those warnings because, of course, you can't do it all.

But until Monday I had every intention of doing it all.

Because I'm crazy.

And I'm afflicted with an all or nothing attitude.

Since the state would frown on nothing, that left me with all. But then on Monday night I sat down and read a warning from the author of the curriculum and there was something about this particular warning that penetrated my thick scull.

The result is that rather than starting school next week we will take one more week off. Next week I'm going to take a serious look at my lesson plans and simplify things.

I'm certain that my sanity depends on it.

Dear Stomach Bug,

Get out of my house.  Get out now.

You showed up uninvited Thursday night, ruined our plans for Friday and have otherwise wrecked havoc in our home ever since.  I'm tired of dry skin from repeated hand washing and sick of endless loads of laundry.  Also, could you please stop making your presence known in the middle of the night?  Sleep deprivation is not at all helpful in this kind of situation.

Food would be excellent solace during this time of stress, but oh yeah, you've ruined my appetite. I do, however, grudginly thank you for the couple of pounds you've trimmed from my waistline.  It's the least you could do.  

Now get out.

P.S.  I know I've been lobbying for a new couch, but I really don't need your help making my case.  Nice try.

Word Count

You know how they say that women speak three times more words a day than men?

Researchers say it's something like 20,000 to 7,000.

I think we actually say an equal number over the course of our lifetimes; it's just that men get the vast majority of their words out the way when they're 6 year old boys.

I'm certain science will back me up on this one.

Implosions leave an impression

So last month PB took Doc and Obi Wan-da to go watch a local building be imploded. (I'm sure there's a better grammatical approach to that sentence, but I don't have the brain power this morning.) We TiVo'd the news coverage of the event in case they weren't able to get a good view of the excitement (PB says they had a great view).

Doc watched it over and over again.

And again.

And through the wonder that is YouTube we were able to watch other building implosions. Over and over again.

So now Doc has decided that his dream is to be an "implosion boss" because we assume that's who gets to push the button. He's preparing for his future career by building buildings out of legos, couch cushions and blocks and then imploding them complete with sound effects.

Over and over again.

He also wants to buy some rebar. I didn't know what rebar was, but now I do.

On an unrelated note (I hope), a couple of weeks ago Doc came out with his piggy bank and asked if he had enough money to buy a horse. If we had the money I would have bought him one and stuck it in the backyard just because he was so sweet about it.

Last night he asked if he has enough money for a speed boat.

I think we'll just spring for some rebar. But I draw the line at dynamite.

Is there any way that's NOT a reflection of my housekeeping skills?

Can you stand one more Obi Wan-daism? She's been in rare form lately.

Yesterday we were in my folk's garage and while I was chatting with my parents Obi Wan-da ran up very excited about something "silly" she found in the garage.

What was this foreign object that tickled her so much?

A mop.

Perhaps she can learn to use one since she finds them so fascinating.

My daughter's astute weather analysis

Yesterday I woke up to the sound of our weather radio screeching about a big storm 2 counties away so I responded like any normal person by rolling over and slapping at whatever buttons I could find to shut it up.

A couple hours later it fired back up to alert me that the big bad storm was now in my county and that some tornadoes had been spotted heading in our general direction. Tornadoes have always freaked me out because beyond duck and cover there's not a lot you can do when one hits. I like my disaster response plan to include more than my arms for protection, but maybe that's just me.

Anyway we spent the next little bit watching the local news while I explained to the kids what tornadoes are and what our plan would be if one came our way. As I cleared out a space in Doc's closet Doc asked me where we'd put the fish and the dog. Well, honey, we'll just have to pray for them.

I know. I'm a heartless, heartless mother.

Meanwhile Obi Wan-da was walking around the house rehashing what tornadoes do when they pick up cars and trees, "So that's what tornadoes do Mommy, they suck."

Yes they do honey, more than you know.

Is she considered delusional if she honestly didn't know better?

Yesterday I took Obi Wan-da to the pediatrician for a well check-up.  She had a grand time chatting up the doctor and was even excited over the prospect of shots (it's been a little while since her last well visit so she's forgotten that she's ever had shots before).

"Just like Doc!"  Doc got all 4 of his 5-year-old shots last month so Obi was thrilled that she was big stuff like her brother.  (He's 6... like I said, I got a little lazy with the well check-ups).

Somehow Obi missed the part about Doc hating his shots so she just sat on the table swinging her legs while she waited for the nurse.  Needless to say I was pleasantly surprised because I figured she was going to create a big scene.

It was pitiful to watch her face go from a big smile to disappointment to wide-eyed realization that shots hurt.  Afterward she told me, "I thought shots weren't supposed to hurt."  When I asked her who on earth had told her that she replied, "My self."

By the way, whatever she lacked in pre-shot drama she's more than making up for now.  She looks a little decrepit as she nurses her arm (which is not swollen or red in any way).

She's already worked up about those 5-year-old shots and I don't think she's telling herself they won't hurt.

Some Real Tree Climbing Adventures

One of the first things we noticed about our house when we bought it seven years ago was the big honkin' oak tree in the backyard.  It's an awesome tree for climbing and I've had visions of Doc scaling its branches ever since we brought him home from the hospital.

The initial mount requires some height and agility, but once you get past the base of the trunk it's a child's dream come true.  

Yesterday Doc made it up into the tree on his own for the first time.

He's already drawing plans for a treehouse.

Obi Wan-da was inspired to begin training in the grapefruit tree.

Over at the craft corner...

So after yesterday's post I wanted to put together something inspirational for today.  How about some crafting inspiration?

You didn't know I was crafty?  Well, it's a hidden talent.  I try not to talk about it too often because I don't want to make people feel inferior.  I've found that being crafty is a gift you're either born with or you aren't.  Don't feel bad if you haven't been blessed in this area as I have... we can't all be little Martha's.

I find that the greatest artistic talent lies with the people who can just whip up a creation at a moment's notice.  I believe that research and preparation are overrated.  True art is inspired and not planned, don't you think?

Not to brag, but I had an inspired moment this morning and wanted to share it with you.  Obi Wan-da is currently on a knight kick and needed a proper knight's helmet.  Of course, I gladly volunteered to make her one since I relish any opportunity to show her just how talented her mother is.

All it took were some common household items and an eye for detail.  

I'm happy to show you the final product, but I don't want you to feel bad if you can't duplicate it at home.  It takes years of practice and an innate talent to create a work of art that is simultaneously beautiful and functional...

Okay, the sad thing is that this truly the best I could do.  

Suddenly Obi Wan-da has decided aliens are more interesting than knights.  I wonder why?

Field Trip Day

Yesterday I took the kids to a performance of "The Hundred Dresses" followed by a picnic in the park with some friends.  Doc was in Star Wars heaven with his buddy as they leaped over planters and crawled through bushes with their light sabers.

The boys had a great time together and Obi Wan-da did her best to keep up, but do you remember the pictures of my little lady having tea?  Here's the same child less than 48 hours later...

No, that's not disturbing AT ALL...

Tea Time

This weekend my mom, Obi Wan-da and I observed my favorite tradition... our annual ladies' tea.  Every year since my daughter was six months old we've gone to a local hotel for tea time and bonding.  It's always a special time and it reminds me that my life is bookended by an amazing mother and an incredible daughter.

Obi Wan-da loves her time with "Hammy" and this year she really embraced the girlishness of it all, flouncing her dress and looking at all the pretty flowers.  The tea room caters to children with PB& J tea sandwiches and chocolate milk served out of a teapot... my girl was so cute all decked out with her hair up and a chocolate milk mustache.

Three women with 3 styles of tea: Obi Wan-da and her milk, my mom with her traditional hot tea and me with mine the way God intended... iced and with plenty of sugar.

Obi Wan-da saw a group of women toasting each other with champagne at a nearby table and thought that looked like fun.

Obi Wan-da preferred her PB&J to my gorgonzola and pear sandwich... that's okay because I wasn't interested in sharing.

The hotel grounds are beautiful so our outing is really part tea time and part photo shoot.

This is why I have to have her dress dry cleaned before Easter (totally worth it).

Over here today...

I have a re-run playing over at 5 Minutes for Parenting...